What do these look like in real life?

From stalkerware to impersonation, gaslighting via smart devices to using your own photos against you—this is the practical bit, where theory meets reality.

This is where the theory turns practical. You’ve seen the access points. You’ve seen what’s at risk. So how does it all play out in real life?

The common attacks are the ways in which digital access is turned into coercion, control, and confusion. Not one-off events, but tactics used repeatedly, subtly, and with devastating effect.

Each of these has a technical method underneath it, but the goal is always the same: reduce your sense of privacy, independence, and confidence.

Stalkerware

These are apps designed to spy. They’re usually sold under the guise of “child safety” or “employee monitoring,” but let’s not kid ourselves—their real market is intimate partner surveillance.

Stalkerware can:

  • Track GPS location in real time
  • Record phone calls
  • Access messages, photos, emails, and browsing history
  • Turn on microphones and cameras
  • Log keystrokes and passwords

They require physical access to install, which is often easy in the context of a relationship. Once installed, they’re designed to stay hidden. Most won’t appear in the app list, and many dodge antivirus checks entirely.

Not all stalkerware is commercial. Some abusers create DIY versions using automation apps like Tasker, or abuse “parental control” tools like Qustodio, Life360, or even Google’s Family Link.

It’s not hacking. It’s proximity. And the results can feel like mind-reading.

Location tracking

This goes well beyond “Find My iPhone.” With today’s tech, your movements can be tracked in countless ways, including:

  • Bluetooth trackers (AirTags, Tiles) hidden in bags, cars, or clothing
  • Shared account features like Apple’s “Find My” or Google’s location history
  • Social media check-ins or geotagged photos
  • Calendar entries synced across accounts
  • Ride-hailing history (Uber, Bolt, etc.)
  • Fitness apps with route tracking (e.g., Strava, Fitbit)

The danger here isn’t just being watched. It’s being anticipated. Some survivors report turning up at appointments only to find the abuser already there—or conveniently “bumping into” them at the same café, repeatedly.

And in 2025, even your smart car may be giving away your schedule.

Account takeover

The classic digital ambush: get control of your email, and suddenly everything else follows.

Techniques include:

  • SIM swapping (convince your mobile provider to transfer your number)
  • Phishing (trick you into clicking a fake login page)
  • Password resets using known personal info (“What was your childhood pet’s name?”—they bought it)
  • Guessing passwords (especially if they helped set them)
  • Using saved logins on devices or browsers they once had access to

Once they’re in, they might:

  • Change your recovery details (so you’re locked out)
  • Monitor your email for sensitive messages
  • Send messages pretending to be you
  • Delete important content, or worse, make it look like you did it

Alerts about new logins often go to the compromised inbox. So yes—it’s very possible to be taken over without knowing it at first.

Image-based abuse / “revenge porn”

The ugly term that doesn’t quite cover it.

This is when private images—shared willingly or taken without consent—are used as weapons. It can involve:

  • Uploading images to websites or social media
  • Sending them to family, employers, or community groups
  • Threats or blackmail (“Do what I say or I’ll post this”)
  • Using them to isolate (“People won’t believe you after this”)
  • Using AI to generate fake images and claim they’re real

In 2025, AI makes this worse. Deepfakes—fake images or videos made using a few real photos—can look convincing enough to do damage, even when the original content never existed.

And even if platforms take the material down, the harm can linger. Reputation, trust, self-esteem—it all becomes collateral.

Gaslighting via smart tech

This is where digital control turns truly insidious. Imagine your lights flickering every night at 2am. The thermostat resetting to freezing. Your door locking and unlocking on its own. No broken wires. No footprints. Just you—and the creeping feeling that you’re imagining it.

This isn’t fiction. It’s modern domestic abuse, delivered through:

  • Smart lights
  • Thermostats and air conditioning units
  • Smart speakers and assistants (Alexa, Google Home)
  • Doorbells, locks, and cameras
  • TVs and Wi-Fi hubs

Abusers can remotely trigger behaviours that feel random, spooky, or subtle enough to make you doubt your memory. Over time, this erodes confidence and credibility—especially if you try to explain it to someone else.

It’s psychological abuse, modernised.

Impersonation

The abuser doesn’t need to break in—sometimes they just pretend to be you.

This might include:

  • Creating fake accounts using your name and photo
  • Messaging friends, family, or colleagues as you
  • Asking for money, causing drama, or damaging your reputation
  • Signing you up for dating apps or inappropriate services
  • Making false reports to employers, schools, or social services

If they still have access to your actual accounts, it becomes even harder to prove what’s real and what isn’t. Some will even stage conversations—talking to themselves from different accounts—just to produce screenshots.

The point isn’t just to cause trouble. It’s to isolate, confuse, and silence.

A word on this section

Every one of these attacks is about more than just “using tech.” They’re methods of power and control, shaped to look like glitches, coincidences, or bad luck. But once you name the tactics, you can start untangling them.

This section isn’t meant to scare—it’s here to say: You’re not imagining it. You’re not alone. And there are ways forward.